A Short List of Animals That Tried to Kill Me

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As a general rule, I have always preferred the company of animals over people. Humans are too loud, messy, and have a tendency to disappoint. I know that I sound like a grumpy old man when I say this, but that is because I am one. Inside this 35-year-old woman’s body lies the temperament of a 90-year-old man who just wants the world to leave him the hell alone with his animals and creaky joints. It probably…